Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
i think my cat just said my name.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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