the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize