I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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