we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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