i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
