is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
