you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
we made out on top of his cat.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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