Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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