booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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