I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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