Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
