I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I forgot how hot balto sounded
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
