I wish I could teleport
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
