remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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