Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
