goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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