I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
