Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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