The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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