I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
