You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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