remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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