There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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