I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
