am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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