just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
