drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize