i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize