Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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