my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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