it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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