he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
