there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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