hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
