Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
