NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
