Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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