At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
