awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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