I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
