I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Randomize
