I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
