I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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