Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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