So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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