I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
