Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
