At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
