Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
