I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
