So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
