You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
