i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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