It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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