jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
