I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
