They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You left your phone here
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