i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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