He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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