So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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