I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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