Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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