My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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