I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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