meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Non-Jews are for practice
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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