South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
