Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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