Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
you made out with another girl for some wings
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
